


Silence is Easy

by ohmytheon



Series: daemons and alchemy [22]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials Fusion, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Daemon Touching, Daemons, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-30 01:08:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11452830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmytheon/pseuds/ohmytheon
Summary: The fallout from Shou Tucker's horrific alchemy experiment affects more than just Edward and Alphonse. Roy might not be allowed to show it to them, but Riza and her daemon can tell that he's not entirely untouched by what happened.





	Silence is Easy

Roy is so cold to Edward that rainy afternoon that Riza can’t imagine him doing anything but shutting everyone and everything out, but instead, she can practically feel him begging her to come inside. Normally, she doesn’t. They have a strict protocol, one that they have followed for years, but every now and then, there’s a slip up. That’s what they feel like to her, although none them talk about it after, and she can’t find it in herself to regret them. She knows for a fact that Wojciech doesn’t, but then, he regrets very little. Too stubborn, she thinks.

But the mess with Tucker and his daughter is pulling at Roy’s seams. She can see it in the way he stares out the car as rain pelts the windows, how his fingernails dig into the armrest as if he’s the one with claws. He’s been quiet ever since they left HQ. Normally the rain leaves him grouchy and prone to grumbling under his breath, but it has taken everything in him not to explode. It’s either silence or rage.

Of course, it doesn’t matter. She can also feel Shula simmering in the back, the lion daemon seeming even larger than normal. For all the anger that Roy isn’t showing, she is displaying in full force. Riza still felt shocked from witnessing Shula snap at Edward’s Alethea on the stairs. She hadn’t heard what the two daemons said to one another, but apparently it was enough to cause Wojciech to bristle and knock his head into Shula’s side and send Ed’s wolverine daemon into a seething snarl.

Tonight is a slip up. She knows that as soon as she parks the car outside of Roy’s place. He looks up at it, not making a move to leave the vehicle, like he doesn’t want to go inside. She knows that’s not it. He doesn’t want to be alone with himself. He’s fiddling with something in his pocket and she can hear the clicking sound of his State Alchemist watch opening and closing repeatedly. She’s unsure if he’s even aware that he’s doing it.

Connecting eyes with Wojciech in the rear view mirror, her wolf daemon nods his head slightly. When she pulls the keys out of the ignition and gets out of the car, Roy starts, as if unaware that she was even in it with him, but then follows her move. They let the large daemons out. Shula snarls at the rain and rushes for cover while Wojciech bides his time. He doesn’t mind it unlike her. When they reach the door and cover, he waits for them to step inside before shaking the water out of his coat and then following them.

It’s deathly quiet inside except for the rain and dark as well. She says nothing as Roy wanders around and turns on the lights. She shouldn’t be in here. She should have dropped him off and gone home. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Wojciech nudges into her gently, reassuring her about her decision, but then she doesn’t trust his judgement all the time when it comes to Roy. Ever since they were kids and Roy was her father’s alchemy apprentice, both Wojciech and Shula did their best to push the two of them together.

Like they were meant to be. Like it was fate. Like they were fighting it. And maybe they are. She can’t be for certain. She followed him into hell and she’s willing to do it again. It’s why she’s in his apartment now. Tonight is a different sort of hell, the kind that forces Roy to look at his reflection a little closer. Tucker’s atrocity can only pale in comparison to what Roy himself did and that is a damning fact.

Tucker essentially ended his daughter’s life by turning her into a chimera. Roy killed hundreds. He can not afford the luxury of believing that all were adults and soldiers. The war was an extermination after all.

As he makes his way around the apartment, undoing his jacket and slowly peeling his military skin off, Riza walks into the kitchen. Even though it has been months since she’s been inside, she knows exactly where to look for the bottle of whiskey that he keeps stored away and two glasses. Shula watches her every move with those golden brown eyes of hers, saying nothing, as Wojciech keeps up behind her.

By the time she returns to the living room, Roy has sunk on the couch and folded himself over, his face in his hands. She knows that posture all too well. Guilt is eating at him. Not only for what Tucker did, but his response to Edward and his own compliance in the State Alchemist program that funded horrors and dark truths like them. She sets the glasses down and pours whiskey in both. He doesn’t speak and barely moves as she pulls one hand away from his face to pick up a glass and sip on it.

Like the alcohol is forcing him to come to, Roy sighs and leans back against the couch, pulling his other hand away. His eyes tilt up to the ceiling as he asks, “Are we all doomed to be monsters in the end?”

She knows that he doesn’t expect an answer. Besides, she isn’t sure that can give him one that he would like. The remnants of the tattoo on her back speak of the dark depths that an alchemist will go for knowledge and the burns covering the rest tell a tale of the lengths a person will go to escape the truth. The same guilt that resides in Roy’s mind burns in Riza’s as surely as the whiskey that slides down her throat.

“We join the program to do good, don’t we?” Roy continues, still not looking at her. The glass sits limply in his grip on his leg. “That’s what I thought. Surely that’s what he thought as well. Even Fullmetal. To save the country, to better the future, to help our loved ones.”

Grimacing to himself, Roy finishes the drink and sets the glass back down on the table. He pours himself another, but then hesitates, staring down at it. Slowly, he puts the bottle down and then tilts his head to the side. It’s barely a movement, but she recognizes the question in it immediately. Behind her, there is movement and then Wojciech brushes against her leg as he gracefully leaps onto the couch.

The feeling that sweeps over her when Roy digs his fingers into the wolf’s fur is enough to cause Riza’s knees to buckle and force her to sit down in a chair. The glass of whiskey trembles in her hand as she attempts to steady her breathing. It shouldn’t be this powerful all the time, she thinks, and yet it is, Roy touching her soul, enveloping it with his heart. She closes her eyes and it’s like she can feel him emptying his mind as her soul fills the void. Wojciech pushes his head against Roy’s chest, seeking to get closer, like he’s Roy’s daemon, and for a second, it’s like he is. They’re all tangled up. Fire licks at every inch of her. Wojciech whines as Roy grips him tighter. She can’t think. She can’t speak. She can barely breathe.

This is the worst kind of slip up. Sometimes, when she finds herself in his apartment, it’s only between them and the bedroom. His fingertips like little flames as his hands move over her skin. Words spoken in the dark that should never be said and certainly aren’t allowed. Promises both of them are desperate to keep and yet afraid that they’ll never reach them. Those she can look away from. Because they are her mistakes. They mark her body and his.

But this? No, this marks her soul. It feels just like it did back when they were teenagers and Wojciech settled as a wolf the first time Roy accidentally touched him. No one could ever touch her daemon and make her feel this way. She can’t help but think that it would only give her disappointment. Only Roy, his touch burning her from the inside out, can only bring her to this bright oblivion.

She can feel his need, his desperation, his adoration, his fear, his hopes. It fills her up and mixes her up until it’s like they’re a part of her.

Even though it feels like hours, it’s only a matter of seconds before all of that is swept away. The feeling never quite leaves her, but she’s allowed to breathe again and her heart starts to steady itself. When she opens her eyes, Roy has his head pressed against Wojciech’s, their eyes still closed. She glances at Shula, who is lying next to her chair, but just out of touch. Despite everything, she finally looks at peace. Later, Riza knows, she will come to her, but for now, she’s allowing her human this comfort that she cannot give herself entirely. They’re both too guarded, Riza thinks, and when it comes to the depravity of alchemy, their bond stretched too thin. When it’s time, Shula will want comfort, but she’ll go to Riza.

It’s how they work, like four pieces to a puzzle. It should be simple and yet it’s more complicated than any of them can imagine.

Roy takes a shuddering breath and pulls away from Wojciech. He picks up the glass and takes another drink. Wojciech slips off the couch and returns to Riza, laying his head in her lap so that she can rub his head and tug gently on his ears with one hand as she holds out the glass for a refill. Still, nothing has been spoken aloud and yet her ears are ringing. Sometimes, a single touch speaks more than any word. That’s all that needs to be said.


End file.
